The signs were there long ago. In my last year at university, I developed a stubborn bouts of tonsillitis. Later that year, I got a fever, was sick for 10 days, and lost a lot of weight. A doctor said, \u201cIt\u2019s like the flu, but it\u2019s not the flu.\u201d I recovered, moved interstate, and started a career.<\/p>\n
A few years later, an adverse pharmaceutical drug reaction landed me in the hospital and left me with severe gut problems. A doctor prescribed more medications. I reacted to them, too. I worked full-time, but had a lot of sick days. I spent entire weekend afternoons on my bed, unable to move. I was beyond exhausted, and I was only 26. I saw an integrative medicine doctor, who focused on healing my gut and rebuilding my immune system. Gradually, I got better. I moved to a bigger town and hoped to build a better life.<\/p>\n
Through most of my 30s, I remained pretty healthy; able to work long and demanding hours. I also began yoga \u2013 a godsend for my mind and body. Despite this, the spinal problems that I\u2019d had since my youth began screaming ever-louder. In my late 30s, my back collapsed; leaving me in agonizing pain and, eventually, unable to sit down. Another doctor … more medication … another adverse reaction.<\/p>\n
A year later, I was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease. About 10 days into treatment for the disease, BAM! I felt freezing cold. I couldn\u2019t stand for more than 30 minutes without my legs turning to jelly. I couldn\u2019t walk to the end of my street without running out of energy in my legs and breathing in a weird, labored way; it was as if I was scaling a mountain. My sleep was screwed up. Even when I could sleep, it never gave me energy. Hello, ME\/CFS.
\nMore than five years later, after two major \u2018crashes\u2019 (setbacks) that have made me more ill than ever, I\u2019ve managed to maintain a skerrick (semblance) of a career, working at home. This brings in a small income and keeps a toehold in the \u2018real world.\u2019 But, there\u2019s a paradox. The more I do, the worse I get. It\u2019s the opposite of how we\u2019re taught to believe the human body \u2018should\u2019 work \u2013 but it\u2019s the cold, hard truth of ME\/CFS.<\/p>\n
The social isolation is the worst. I have a strong personality, which often fools people into thinking I\u2019m not as ill as I am. In reality, my brain’s circuitry is ‘broken.\u2019 This affects every system in my body, 24\/7, in ways you could never imagine. I can no longer be the one who tries to keep in touch; who reaches out and says, \u201cLet\u2019s catch up.\u201d If you want to see me, you’ll most likely have to visit me, or meet me halfway.<\/p>\n
Am I enough for you, just as I am? Or do you only value friends based on the things they can do with you? I hope your answer will surprise me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Humans of ME\/CFS The signs were there long ago. In my last year at university, I developed a stubborn bouts of tonsillitis. Later that year, I got a fever, was sick for 10 days, and lost a lot of weight. A doctor said, \u201cIt\u2019s like the flu, but it\u2019s not the flu.\u201d I recovered, moved […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":553,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/humansofchronicillness.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/fiona_m.png","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/humansofchronicillness.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/571"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/humansofchronicillness.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/humansofchronicillness.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humansofchronicillness.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humansofchronicillness.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=571"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/humansofchronicillness.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/571\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humansofchronicillness.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/553"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/humansofchronicillness.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=571"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humansofchronicillness.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=571"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humansofchronicillness.org\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=571"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}